The Prairie Wife

Thursday the Nineteenth 1 Saturday the Twenty-first 16 Monday the Twenty-third 33 Wednesday the Twenty-fifth 41 Thursday the Twenty-sixth 48 Saturday the Twenty-eighth 57 Wednesday the First 61 Thursday the Second 64 Friday the Third 67 Saturday the Fourth 68 Monday the Sixth 73 Wednesday the Eighth 80 Saturday the Tenth 88 Sunday the Eleventh 91 Monday the Twelfth 93 Sunday the Eighteenth 101 Monday the Nineteenth 103 Tuesday the Twentieth 105 Thursday the Twenty-second 115 Saturday the Twenty-fourth 119 Tuesday the Twenty-seventh 128 Thursday the Twenty-ninth 133 Friday the Fifth 136 Sunday the Seventh 137 Tuesday the Ninth 138 Saturday the Twenty-first 142 Sunday the Twenty-ninth 150 Monday the Seventh 152 Friday the Eleventh 153 Sunday the Thirteenth 155 Wednesday the Sixteenth 156 Sunday the Twentieth 157 Sunday the Twenty-seventh 158 Wednesday the Thirtieth 159 Thursday the Thirty-first 160 Sunday the Third 167 Thursday the Seventh 171 Saturday the Ninth 172 Monday the Eleventh 175 Tuesday the Nineteenth 182 Sunday the Thirty-first 186 Tuesday the Ninth 188 Wednesday the Seventeenth 189 Thursday the Twenty-fifth 190 Tuesday the Second 191 Thursday the Fourth 193 Wednesday the Seventeenth 194 Saturday the Twenty-seventh 195 Tuesday the Sixth 198 Monday the Twelfth 199 Tuesday the Twentieth 202 Monday the Twenty-sixth 205 Wednesday the Twenty-eighth 207 Monday the Second 209 Thursday the Fifth 210 Tuesday the Tenth 214 Monday the Sixteenth 217 Tuesday the Twenty-fourth 220 Friday the Third 222 Thursday the Ninth 224 Wednesday the Fifteenth 228 Friday the Seventeenth 230 Saturday the Nineteenth 231 Friday the Twenty-eighth 233 Saturday the Twenty-ninth 234 Sunday the Thirtieth 236 Tuesday the First 237 Monday the Seventh 243 Sunday the Thirteenth 247 Monday the Twenty-eighth 249 Saturday the Second 251 Wednesday the Sixth 252 Tuesday the Twelfth 254 Thursday the Fourteenth 255 Wednesday the Fifth 256 Sunday the Ninth 260 Monday the Tenth 262 Tuesday the Eleventh 264 Wednesday the Thirteenth 265 Thursday the Fourteenth 267 Friday the Fifteenth 269 Saturday the Sixteenth 272 Monday the Seventeenth 275 Wednesday the Nineteenth 276 Friday the Twenty-first 277 Monday the Twelfth 290 Wednesday the Fourteenth 292 Thursday the Fifteenth 295 Friday the Sixteenth 298 Sunday the Eighteenth 307 Sunday the Twenty-fifth 308 Tuesday the Twenty-seventh 309 Wednesday the Twenty-eighth 310 Friday the Thirtieth 313 Sunday the First 314

THE PRAIRIE WIFE

Thursday the Nineteenth

Splash!... That's me, Matilda Anne! That's me falling plump into the pool of matrimony before I've had time to fall in love! And oh, Matilda Anne, Matilda Anne, I've got to talk to you! You may be six thousand miles away, but still you've got to be my safety-valve. I'd blow up and explode if I didn't express myself to some one. For it's so lonesome out here I could go and commune with the gophers. This isn't a twenty-part letter, my dear, and it isn't a diary. It's the coral ring I'm cutting my teeth of desolation on. For, every so long, I've simply got to sit down and talk to some one, or I'd go mad, clean, stark, staring mad, and bite the tops off the sweet-grass! It may even happen this will never be sent to you. But I like to think of you reading it, some day, page by page, when I'm fat and forty, or, what's more likely, when Duncan has me chained to a corral-post or finally shut up in a padded cell. For you were the one who was closest to me in the old days, Matilda Anne, and when I was in trouble you were always the staff on which I leaned, the calm-eyed Tillie-on-the-spot who never seemed to fail me! And I think you will understand.

But there's so much to talk about I scarcely know where to begin. The funny part of it all is, I've gone and married the Other Man. And you won't understand that a bit, unless I start at the beginning. But when I look back, there doesn't seem to be any beginning, for it's only in books that things really begin and end in a single lifetime.

Howsomever, as Chinkie used to say, when I left you and Scheming Jack in that funny little stone house of yours in Corfu, and got to Palermo, I found Lady Agatha and Chinkie there at the Hotel des Palmes and the yacht being coaled from a tramp steamer's bunkers in the harbor. So I went on with them to Monte Carlo. We had a terrible trip all the way up to the Riviera, and I was terribly sea-sick, and those lady novelists who love to get their heroines off on a private yacht never dream that in anything but duckpond weather the ordinary yacht at sea is about the meanest habitation between Heaven and earth. But it was at Monte Carlo I got the cable from Uncle Carlton telling me the Chilean revolution had wiped out our nitrate mine concessions and that your poor Tabby's last little nest-egg had been smashed. In other words, I woke up and found myself a beggar, and for a few hours I even thought I'd have to travel home on that Monte Carlo Viaticum fund which so discreetly ships away the stranded adventurer before he musses up the Mediterranean scenery by shooting himself. Then I remembered my letter of credit, and firmly but sorrowfully paid off poor Hortense, who through her tears proclaimed that she'd go with me anywhere, and without any thought of wages (imagine being hooked up by a maid to whom you were under such democratizing obligations!) But I was firm, for I knew the situation, might just as well be faced first as last.

So I counted up my letter of credit and found I had exactly six hundred and seventy-one dollars, American money, between me and beggary. Then I sent a cable to Theobald Gustav (so condensed that he thought it was code) and later on found that he'd been sending flowers and chocolates all the while to the Hotel de L'Athenee, the long boxes duly piled up in tiers, like coffins at the morgue. Then Theobald's aunt, the baroness, called on me, in state. She came in that funny, old-fashioned, shallow landau of hers, where she looked for all the world like an oyster-on-the-half-shell, and spoke so pointedly of the danger of international marriages that I felt sure she was trying to shoo me away from my handsome and kingly Theobald Gustav—which made me quite calmly and solemnly tell her that I intended to take Theobald out of under-secretaryships, which really belonged to Oppenheim romances, and put him in the shoe business in some nice New England town!

From Monte Carlo I scooted right up to Paris. Two days later, as I intended to write you but didn't, I caught the boat-train for Cherbourg. And there at the rail as I stepped on the Baltic was the Other Man, to wit, Duncan Argyll McKail, in a most awful-looking yellow plaid English mackintosh. His face went a little blank as he clapped eyes on me, for he'd dropped up to Banff last October when Chinkie and Lady Agatha and I were there for a week. He'd been very nice, that week at Banff, and I liked him a lot. But when Chinkie saw him "going it a bit too strong," as he put it, and quietly tipped Duncan Argyll off as to Theobald Gustav, the aforesaid D. A. bolted back to his ranch without as much as saying good-by to me. For Duncan Argyll McKail isn't an Irishman, as you might in time gather from that name of his. He's a Scotch-Canadian, and he's nothing but a broken-down civil engineer who's taken up farming in the Northwest. But I could see right away that he was a gentleman (I hate that word, but where'll you get another one to take its place?) and had known nice people, even before I found out he'd taught the Duchess of S. to shoot big-horn. He'd run over to England to finance a cooperative wheat-growing scheme, but had failed, because everything is so unsettled in England just now.

But you're a woman, and before I go any further you'll want to know what Duncan looks like.

Well, he's not a bit like his name. The West has shaken a good deal of the Covenanter out of him. He's tall and gaunt and wide-shouldered, and has brown eyes with hazel specks in them, and a mouth exactly like Holbein's "Astronomer's," and a skin that is almost as disgracefully brown as an Indian's. On the whole, if a Lina Cavalieri had happened to marry a Lord Kitchener, and had happened to have a thirty-year-old son, I feel quite sure he'd have been the dead spit, as the Irish say, of my own Duncan Argyll. And Duncan Argyll, alias Dinky-Dunk, is rather reserved and quiet and, I'm afraid, rather masterful, but not as Theobald Gustav might have been, for with all his force the modern German, it seems to me, is like the bagpipes in being somewhat lacking in suavity.

And all the way over Dinky-Dunk was so nice that he almost took my breath away. He was also rather audacious, gritting his teeth in the face of the German peril, and I got to like him so much I secretly decided we'd always be good friends, old-fashioned, above-board, Platonic good friends. But the trouble with Platonic love is that it's always turning out too nice to be Platonic, or too Platonic to be nice. So I had to look straight at the bosom of that awful yellow-plaid English mackintosh and tell Dinky-Dunk the truth. And Dinky-Dunk listened, with his astronomer mouth set rather grim, and otherwise not in the least put out. His sense of confidence worried me. It was like the quietness of the man who is holding back his trump. And it wasn't until the impossible little wife of an impossible big lumberman from Saginaw, Michigan, showed me the Paris Herald with the cable in it about that spidery Russian stage-dancer, L----, getting so nearly killed in Theobald's car down at Long Beach, that I realized there was a trump card and that Dinky-Dunk had been too manly to play it.

I had a lot of thinking to do, the next three days.